Couples Counseling

Couples counseling may be the most misunderstood type of work that therapists do. If you are confused or even cynical about what to expect, I totally get it.

Think of couples therapy as rent-a-referee for a conversation you and your partner need to have. This could be about anything at all, whether it is assessing important topics in your relationship, processing through important events (past, present, or upcoming), getting tools to work through a problem, or if you are just wanting a professional take on an issue that you and your partner are facing.

Two people sit together, engaging in a discussion. The man in the foreground has light skin, dark hair, and a beard, wearing a beige polo shirt, with hands clasped. The woman in the background has light skin and long dark hair, wearing a blue shirt, with hands also clasped. They appear to be having a serious conversation or counseling session in an indoor setting.
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Silhouettes of a man and woman sitting on a wooden dock at sunset, touching hands with the sun between them and the ocean in the background.

I am also happy to provide premarital counseling for couples planning to get married, or even discernment counseling for couples considering if they should continue to stay together.

Good reasons for couples counseling:

Relationship disagreements

Financial and career stress

Patterns in communication issues

Processing past and recent events and changes

New developments in the relationship

Faith and spirituality concerns

Family planning issues

Deciding to stay together or separate

…and much more!

Two people with rings on their fingers holding hands on a table, one person wearing a black long sleeve shirt and the other wearing a beige sweater.
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FAQs about couples counseling:

  • People often resist couples therapy because they believe the therapist will automatically take one partner's side. They also might believe couples therapy will provide an environment where a professional will finally be able to tell their partner why they're wrong.

    That's not me.

    Ideally, couples therapy provides a space where both partners are able to feel understood in how they may each see a presenting issue differently. In this space, they are able to work with an therapist (who is not already aligned with either partner) on approaches toward their issues and facilitate a productive discussion with understanding.

    It is natural for clients to feel defensive in couples therapy, and that's okay - as it opens the door to other necessary conversations worth facilitating.

  • Short answer: no.

    While I do not claim to have all the answers, I will be realistic in my suggestions for if the presenting issues are outside of the scope for a healthy relationship to be successful. Couples therapy can defintely be life-saving for a relationship. But also, it can often serve as an honest look at unfixable patterns in a particular relationship so that the couple may decide for themselves to end it as amicably as possible.

    If you are afraid that couples therapy may either greatly improve your relationship OR may result in ending it: believe me - it is worth the risk. You deserve to be in a relationship where both of you can be healthy.

  • No! In fact, I'd even be willing to see a couple who isn't "official" (whatever that means to you).

    Couples therapy can be useful for any stage within the relationship, whether you are "talking", in a situationship, newly dating, engaged, or married for however many years. When considering you for a candidate for couples therapy, the legal or religious status of your relationship is irrelevant (unless it is a presenting reason for your visit).

    Premarital counseling is also something I'd suggest for anyone who plans to get married. Please let me know if you would like to work together in this capacity.

  • No. I believe couples therapy works best when the therapist is neutral with both parties, and that cannot happen if I have already formed a therapeutic alliance with you. If one partner already has a therapeutic and relational advantage with the therapist, it does not provide as safe of a space for the other to be able to work as effectively. But I will be glad to provide referrals for other couples therapists!